2011 ~ Just for Enjoyment

Monday, December 19, 2011

Son's Letter to his Dad

8:35 AM kk No comments

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,
Chad

P.S: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call me, when it is safe for me to come home!

New Generation Indian Daughter-in-Law

1:35 AM kk No comments

New Generation Indian Daughter-in-Law

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.

The new wife (progressive Indian woman of today), was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

As expected she gave a speech, "My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life OR your routine. "No, I will never do that, never in a million years."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.

"What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);

Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.

Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.

Those who cooked should not stop ON my account, AND those who used to clean should continue cleaning !!!

"And what are you here for Bahurani?" enquired the mother-in-law.

"AS FOR ME, I'M HERE JUST TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON !"

NICE REPLY

12:27 PM kk No comments

NICE REPLY..

When Aishwarrya delivered a baby girl,

The doctor welcomed the baby,

"You will be amazed to know which family you are born in.

Do you know who your Grandfather is?"

The baby replied, "Yes, the greatest actor of Bollywood."

The Doctor was shocked.

Then he asked, "Do you know who your Mother is?"

The baby replied, "One of the most beautiful ladies in the world. Miss World."

The doctor then asked, "Do you know who your Father is?"

The baby replied, "NO IDEA"

Wrong email id -- too good-fun

12:24 PM kk No comments

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston ,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
*
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*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*
*
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*
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To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date:Â 7 NOV, 2011

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in..
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW....

What should I do to marry a rich guy?

12:21 PM kk 1 comment

For all the Wall Streeters

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year.

I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high.

Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: What should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?

(Please list down the names and addresses of bars,restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why are most wives of the rich only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks & are not interesting,

but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, & who can only be your girlfriend?

(my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty.

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions
like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than
$500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the
standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty,
and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, yourbeauty will fade, but
my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year,
but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset,
and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.

If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it long term - same goes with the
marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wise decision any assets with
great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would
only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy.
And by the way, you could make yourself a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better
chances than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

signed,

Find Mistake

12:06 PM kk No comments

You all know KBC is Good Business.

10:39 AM kk No comments

But have you ever pondered...
How Good....????

Any guesses? Let's see...

Airtel is charging Rs.6/- per SMS sent for this contest.

Assuming there are only 100 entries from say 10 cities of some 20
districts and 20 states...

6(Rs/SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) =
6x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 = Rs.24,00,000

24 lakhs in 20 minutes. (People trying for the 2 lakhs cash prize)

Imagine what if 1000 entries try out from 100 cities?

The figure simply grows by 2 more zeroes and yields a whopping 24 Crores!!!!

And it does not stop there...

In practice it could be another multiple of 100 or a multiple of 1000 on an average.

In that case it is 24 x 100crores earnings in just 20 minutes on every episode!!!

And the prize money: A mere 2 crore..(and from whose pocket?)

Smart Business By Siddharth Basu!

And the best part of this calculation is just the SMS earning!!

What about the Ad money?

A rough annual profit calculation goes like this:

2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/month) x 12 = 5,76,000 crores.

Let even 50% get dissolved in taxes and other payments, still you will be left with (which includes even the meagre 480 crores of prize money i.e.if every episode bags 2 crore prize)!

2,88,000-crores profit !!! (only from SMS)

Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI"

and your options are---

A) SONY TV

B) AIRTEL

C) AMITABH BACHAN

D) SIDDHARTH BASU

Computerji iska jawab bataiye....

Ans: All FOUR..!!!!

PS: Now you know why AB gets all emotional when the episodes end...........

Q: Poisonous BRA? coBRA

Q: Mathematical BRA? algeBRA

Q: Zodiacal BRA? liBRA

Q: Magical BRA? aBRAkadaBRA

Q: Religious BRA? BRAhmin! BRAhma!

Q: Metallic bra? BRAss

Q: Anjelina Jolie's Bra? BRAd pit...

Q: Botany BRA? BRAnch

Q: Marketing BRA? BRAnd!

Q: puctuation bra? BRAcket

Q: Scary bra? GhaBRAahat!!!!

Q: A room where BRA's are kept? LiBRAry

Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? ABRAham Lincoln!

Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle? BRAke

Q: Brave Bra - BRAvado

Q: Donkeys language? BRAying

Q: Where do naughty thoughts originate? BRAin

AND U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA ???